The fucking truth. I have had suiters, men who believe I can do no wrong. But these men would, and still do push me the very brink. When I am with them my mind races and I am in constant motion. I can not relax. When I am with Hub all is right and my soul breathes a sigh of relief.
Sooooo…. I’ve got my resume out there for some jobs. I got a place almost rented. Its a sad suburban hell kind of a house but we don’t have a choice in the matter. My anxiety is defiantly more under control. At least I didn’t break out in shingles like Intern did. At least I always have Hubs income so my freak out level is more personal than “how will I pay off my loans and still eat” panic, but I still get really freaked out when we have to move and start over again.
It’s time to end the academic culture that says working yourself to sickness means you’re just working hard enough. It’s time to end the culture that says taking time for yourself and your own health comes at the expense of doing good work. It’s time to end the culture that says sleep deprivation, anxiety attacks, and binge drinking are just part of the game. It’s time to end the culture that says if you’re not getting along with your mentor, then it’s all your fault. It’s time to end the culture that says advisors and faculty don’t have to take responsibility for the health of their students. It’s time to end the culture that says seeking help means you’re weak, or a bad researcher.
I’m not afraid to admit that this is an issue that touched my life during my Ph.D. Thankfully I had amazing friends and family outside my program to help me through tough times. But I know that not everyone has a support system like mine. I also watched in sadness when, after a fellow Ph.D. student committed suicide, our program, university, and health services did nothing to acknowledge that it happened, or that the culture of academia could have contributed to it, and (as far as any of us have been able to tell), has done little if anything to stop it from happening again.
Some graduate programs are putting better student support systems in place, and for every bad advisor we can find an exception that cares and helps their students to the utmost of their ability. But academia, overall, still possesses a culture of acceptance and ignorance when it comes to mental health issues, especially in graduate programs.
It’s time to end that culture.
I think I’ve already reblogged this but I’m doing it again. As someone who works in academia but is part of system (My lab is commercial diagnostic lab which is operated by a college, but also pillaged by that same school) I see its tole on people. My boss, is required to still research and publish, while running a business is under great strain. I’m forced into research roles, manager roles and teaching roles. I also watch brilliant people crushed under the weight of trying to live up to someones arbitrary standards.
I love seeing the lives of my internet friends! Cool outfits, where they live, their pets! It makes the world feel so big but so close. That in just a second I can share something with someone across the country or across the globe. Thanks for sharing
MONKEYS in the ARCTIC?! whats next, vampires on the weekend?!
I’m sure if I asked Intern would have brought me coffee and donuts